


Finely Ground

by Bobcatmoran



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Genre: But not a coffee shop AU, Canon Era, Coffee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-31
Updated: 2015-05-31
Packaged: 2018-04-02 05:28:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4047904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bobcatmoran/pseuds/Bobcatmoran
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Combeferre enlists Enjolras in his quest to brew the perfect cup of coffee. The results are less than ideal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Finely Ground

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Oilan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oilan/gifts).



> Thanks to my youngest sib for taking time out of his vacation to beta this for me! Any remaining mistakes you may see are all mine.

It all started one morning shortly after Combeferre and Enjolras had decided to become roommates, when Enjolras awoke to an odd, rhythmic crunching sound. He attempted to roll over and go back to sleep, but there was something about the noise, some grating edge to it, that made it impossible to ignore.

Finally, he gave up and wandered out of the bedroom, squinting and scrunching up his face in protest at having to be witness to this thing called sunlight after going to bed so late the previous night.

"Good morning," Combeferre greeted him. He was grinding something in a mortar and pestle. Something which smelled very familiar.

Enjolras peered over Combeferre's shoulder and squinted at the pestle's contents. "Coffee?" he asked.

"Depending on how that was meant, yes, this is coffee, and yes, there is coffee brewed already. Actually, if you could sample the cups already out and tell me what you think, that would be very helpful."

Enjolras eyed the row of cups lined up on the table. There was a definite progression as Combeferre had apparently started running out of their very limited supply of drinking vessels. The lineup rapidly deteriorated from actual, proper coffee cups at one end, to wine glasses, to a small scientific beaker half-full of coffee. Enjolras eyed that last one with some suspicion.

"I assure you, I washed everything before using it. There shouldn't be any lingering flavors of wine, previous cups of coffee, or iodine," Combeferre said, not as reassuringly as he might have hoped for. "But anyhow, I decided that, given the quantity of coffee that we consume, it would be worthwhile to determine the parameters by which the ideal cup of coffee can be made. There are so many variables to test," he said with relish. "The temperature of the water used, the ratio of water to coffee, the size of the grind — that is what I was testing here — even the method of brewing! Joly said that he had a sort of vacuum extraction setup which he would be willing to show me, and … oh, dear. Enjolras, when I asked if you could sample the coffee, I had been thinking more along the lines of taking a sip from each cup, not drinking them in their entirety. Are you feeling all right? That really is an unusually large quantity of coffee to drink in one sitting, partially-full cups or not."

"I think I can feel my heartbeat in my fingers."

"Oh dear," Combeferre said again. "Here, give me your hand." He took out his watch and flipped Enjolras' hand over in order to place two fingers on his wrist. Combeferre frowned at the watch for a minute, then said, "Your pulse is fast, but not dangerously so. It should settle back down in time, as your body digests the coffee." 

Combeferre then pulled over pen, ink and a sheet of paper, poised to take notes. "So, what was your impression of the different cups? Let's start with the one farthest to your left."

"Er…lukewarm?" Enjolras ventured.

"Anything else? Thoughts on the flavor relative to the others?"

"Actually, all of them were lukewarm. Other than that, I really didn't notice anything about the flavor, save that the one in the beaker did have a bit of a metallic taste."

"Drat. The iodine. But nothing else at all? Any sort of continuum of bitterness or intensity of flavor? Did you like any of them better than the others?"

"I am sorry, my friend, but I fear the combination of being only partially awake and my natural disinclination towards the sort of precise scientific observation that you excel in makes me a less than ideal experimental subject," Enjolras said. "They were all just coffee to me."

"Lukewarm coffee," Combeferre said, looking at the empty cups and glasses. "I suppose that in order to get a better idea of the ideal cup of coffee, I would need to get a variety of opinions anyhow, and see if there is any trend in general preferences."

* * *

**Results of Coffee Grind Variable Testing, E. Combeferre, 4th May, 1831**

Courfeyrac: Favors the medium grind. Complains that one of the glasses tastes of iodine (Note: extra intense scrubbing of beaker is necessary). Also complains that coffee is lukewarm and that, as coffee is rarely served at that temperature if one is not dining at the Corinth, better results would be obtained by serving it hot. Unfortunately, due to limited capacity for brewing multiple cups, all cups cannot be served at the same temperature, unless that temperature is that of the surrounding room. Since temperature is to be tested as a separate variable, lukewarm shall have to suffice. 

Bahorel: Favors the medium-coarse grind, although noted that the difference between cups was minimal, aside from flavor of iodine in the finest grind.

Prouvaire: Favors the finest grind. Also volunteered to make what he calls "Turkish coffee" for me as a demonstration of a technique to try when I test brewing methods (Addendum 6 May 1831: Do not try Prouvaire's method, which results in a brew that is more solid than liquid.)

Joly: Favors the medium-fine grind. (Note: Do not try Joly's vacuum extraction process as it seems to have a regrettable tendency to implode the glassware)

Bossuet: Favors the coarsest grind, but only because it was the sole cup he was able to try, the others having been spilled upon him when Grantaire backed into the table.

Feuilly: Favors the medium grind. Pointed out that the coarsest grind, being made with nearly intact beans, results in such a weak brew that it would probably not carry the beneficial effects usually found in coffee and thus defeats the purpose of drinking it (Note: What is it that causes the beneficial effects? Is it related to how we find the odor pleasing? Could it be _caféine_ , as described by Robiquet?)

Grantaire: Claims to favor the medium-coarse grind, but am unsure as to whether this was sincere, as that grind was in a wineglass, which he only deigned to sample after a great deal of dramatics over "brown wine, which has obviously turned. No good, honest wine would be that color. Here, Joly, sniff. That is not the bouquet of a good harvest, but of a vintage that has gone dreadfully wrong. I should like to file a complaint with the management."


End file.
